Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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