But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
