Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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