Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
