8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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