She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
