do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
