Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
