It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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