I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
