I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
