There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
