life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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