that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
