I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
