I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
