I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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