I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
