i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Fuck appropriateness.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
