he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize