Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
