God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
