the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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