how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
