he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
