remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
