OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
