Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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