I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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