y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
