me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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