Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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