I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
