Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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