he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
