At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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