Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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