peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
