Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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