my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We need to get me chipped asap
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
