He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
