It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
