I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
