my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she told me i tasted like america
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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