She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
