If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
