3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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