Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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