Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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