I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
