i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
