I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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