Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
